All We Know Is Touch and Go
by Angelina Johnson
Summary: Canon divergence from 4x02 The Lion & the Rose. It takes all of four seconds for Jaime to decide fleeing from King's Landing with Tyrion, Sansa, and Brienne is the right thing to do. Well... four seconds, and Brienne of Tarth's smile. (Companion piece to 'This Is A Worthwhile Fight,' written for JB Appreciation Week 2019.)


**Author's Note: **This was written for Jaime and Brienne appreciation week day 2 (prompt: heat wave), so it's a little bit ahead of the main story, _this is a worthwhile fight_, plot-wise, unfortunately.

For those of you not reading _this is a worthwhile fight_, some quick background info: Robb Stark went to Essos to treat with Daenerys Targaryen instead of going to Edmure's wedding to Roslin Frey, and instead of fleeing with Littlefinger, Sansa got arrested for Joffrey's murder alongside Tyrion.

For those of you reading _this is a worthwhile fight_, I guess all I can say about this companion piece is… sorry for the spoilers? I've alluded to the fact that Sansa's plotline has been changed like seven times in my outline, and I haven't gotten that far in the story, but… now you know anyway.

* * *

**_all we know is touch and go_**

Jaime Lannister doesn't always think things through.

Of course, freeing Tyrion from his cell beneath the Red Keep didn't require much thought. Jaime has _always _wanted to protect his siblings; the only times he's faltered in that have been when _Cersei _is the one hurting Tyrion.

Not this time, though. There's no coming back from it, from _death _, and it's a line that Jaime won't let his twin cross. He won't see Tyrion executed, not by her - not by _anyone _if he can help it.

Deciding to free Sansa Stark _with _Tyrion? That decision didn't really require any thought, either. Maybe it should have, but saying no to Brienne of Tarth when those big blue eyes of hers are wide, looking at him with a faith that he doesn't think he deserves… Of course he'll make the right choice, when she looks at him like that. He'll keep his vow to Catelyn Stark. For _her _, mostly, but also because deep down, he knows that Sansa Stark is his last chance for honor.

But the last decision, the one where Jaime finds himself racing after them and hopping onto whatever boat Varys is loading them onto, that's the one where maybe he should have paused to think about it a little more.

* * *

He does think about it more. For all of _four _seconds, and then Brienne's startled expression morphs into the closest thing he's ever seen to a smile from her, and Tyrion's eyes look a little bit wet, and Jaime is certain that helping them escape the hell that his family has made King's Landing is the right idea.

* * *

He changes his mind about whether or not this was a good idea about seventeen times on the long boat ride to Essos, though. First when Tyrion revealed to him that taking Sansa _wasn't _just random, and that the Red Wedding had all been a _lie _.

Oh, hundreds or thousands of Northmen _did _die at Edmure Tully's wedding, but Robb Stark was not among them. Robb _fucking _Stark, the same _boy _who had defeated Jaime in the Whispering Wood, and had kept him prisoner. The King in the North, or whatever he was _now _, was sure to want to murder him on the spot.

But Brienne looks at him so damn _fondly _that he immediately decides it will be fine. Sansa Stark doesn't seem to know what to make of him _yet _, but she does know that he bloody _saved _her, and that will have to be enough.

* * *

The next time he changes his mind, it's because of Cersei. The third and fourth times, too. Once, he thinks that she'll hunt them more doggedly when she realizes that Jaime is with them, and that Brienne and Tyrion (and Sansa too, he supposes) would have been safer without him. Then it's because of what she might do to Tommen, who he might become with no one but her there to guide him.

The last time, it's just habit. Jaime has spent his whole life craving Cersei, being told he _belongs _with Cersei. Can he really leave her just like this? Who will he be without her?

He _knows _who he can be without her, though. Brienne and Tyrion know too. They like Jaime better when he is making his own choices, being his own person rather than a reflection of her. Jaime thinks that maybe _he _likes himself better without her, too. Or at least, he could _learn _to.

He closes the door on thinking he should have stayed with Cersei after that.

* * *

It's when he learns who the Starks are _with _in Essos that he nearly jumps out of the damned boat and tries to swim to the nearest shore. Daenerys Targaryen. Daenerys _fucking _Targaryen, and her three dragons, and her army of former slaves and Dothraki savages.

It's not just that she'll want him dead for killing her father. Of _course _she will, but it's the way in which she'll kill him. Jaime can already smell it, the scent of his flesh as she burns it alive, and the boat seems to be rocking more than usual.

_He's shaking _, he realizes, but only when Brienne gently reaches out and squeezes his hand. It's a rare show of affection from her, but Jaime _knows _that she's gentle. _Gentler than Cersei _, he thinks again, as he clutches onto her hand desperately, not caring that Tyrion and Sansa can see.

The shaking stops, so long as he keeps holding onto her.

Jaime doesn't let go of her hand for the next _hour _.

* * *

The most recent time that he thinks about leaving, it's when they're so near Meereen that they can nearly _see _it. It's not the fact that he's an approaching nothing but enemies that has Jaime on edge, though. It's the _heat _.

Jaime's thought about leaving Westeros behind, fucking off with Cersei and starting a new life, more times than he's proud to admit. He's thought about coming _here _, he's sure, but he never imagined that it would be so bloody _hot _.

"What are you doing?" Brienne asks him as she looks over to see him tugging at the strings of his shirt with his teeth. They've been getting steadily closer to the Dragon Queen and her Wolf King for _hours _now, and he's drenched in sweat. He can tell that his hair is soaked, and he shakes it off, trying on purpose to make the flecks of sweat hit Brienne just to get a rise out of her.

He's been doing that, almost nonstop, since he got onto the boat. They've shared meaningful _looks _when they touch too close to the truth of it all, to how _glad _Jaime is that he's done the right thing in freeing Joffrey's "murderers," but mostly, it's just japes and prodding and doing all he can to irritate her.

Tyrion arches his eyebrows at them curiously more often than Jaime would like, and once, when Jaime had interrupted a _dull _conversation that Brienne and his brother had been having, he'd even accused him of being unable to stand it when Brienne's attention isn't on him.

And maybe there's _some _truth to it. Mostly, though, Jaime's got too much energy, is coiled tight with too many nerves, and he has to do _something _with his energy. Brienne, he thinks, has somehow become the person that seems to understand him best left in this world - he can't imagine a better person to be unleashing all of his nervous energy on.

"It's so bloody _hot _," Jaime whines as he tries to tug his shirt off, as if that will make it any better. That will just create a new set of problems, and Brienne immediately tells him so.

"You'll burn in minutes if you take it off. We'll be there soon, you can bear it," she tells him matter-of-factly, and his breath catches in his throat when she reaches forward and unties the ties the rest of the way for him, anyway.

"You _do _want to see me shirtless," Jaime states obnoxiously, and Brienne bites back a snort. It should be wholly unflattering, but he finds it almost _charming _, the noise she makes when she's trying hard not to laugh at him.

"I don't want you to _suffocate _," she corrects, but there's a slight flush to her cheeks, so Jaime grins smugly at her all the same.

* * *

All too soon, they have been met by Barristan Selmy, of all the damn people, and an Unsullied soldier, and they are being led to Daenerys Targaryen and Robb Stark. Brienne claps a hand on Jaime's shoulder when no one is looking, squeezing it for reassurance, and _gods _. When did she get so good at knowing what he was thinking? How long had they traveled together, for her to sense exactly what kind of comfort he needs and when?

He tries to joke away his anxiousness, but it's hard, when he and Tyrion are the only ones being restrained.

"Is her dragon fire even really any hotter than the damned weather here? How do you live like this?" Jaime asks them, and the Unsullied man looks like he wants to kick Jaime to shut him up. He doesn't, though; instead, they just march them ever forward, and Jaime tries not to dread what judgment awaits him.

Whatever happens to him now, he's done the right thing. If he ever forgets that it's the right thing, he has the memory of Brienne's wide blue eyes, proud but unsurprised, when he'd followed them to their freedom.

He'll cling to that memory until his dying breath.

* * *

Jaime's dying breath doesn't come as quick as he might have expected, though. For the first few minutes, he and Tyrion are so busy watching a Stark reunion, and it's like they aren't even _there _. Sansa flings herself into her mother's arm; Catelyn weeps openly at the sight of her daughter, healthy and whole and back in her company. Robb Stark's eyes are a little misty, too, as he joins his mother and sister in an embrace, and the Targaryen girl is too busy _watching _them, fondly, to acknowledge the Lannister brothers or even Brienne.

There's a soft squalling from the other side of the room, too.. Daenerys Targaryen volunteers to go fetch _Ned _, she says, and she quickly plucks a babe from a crib near her throne, bouncing it lightly as she walks, calming its cries.

It looks nothing _like _her, nothing at all, and Jaime vaguely remembers that Robb had a wife of some sort, last he'd heard. A nurse from Volantis. Jaime doesn't spot her anywhere, but the baby's non-Stark features, they must have been hers.

Jaime almost wants to _laugh _at it all. His father had been so sure they'd killed off this Stark and that Stark, until there were none of importance left. But instead, the King in the North lives on in Essos, complete with an heir and his sister, newly freed from her forced marriage to a Lannister. Their unconsummated marriage means nothing here; Tyrion has assured him many times on their journey that the Stark girl is his wife no longer.

He doesn't laugh, though. He'd rather enjoy this a little longer, the _proof _that he's made these lives better by helping the Starks find each other again. He looks to Brienne, and she's already looking back.

This time, it's not just half a smile that she gives him. It's a full one, a _real _one, and Jaime's stomach swoops at the sight of it, unbridled and joyful like he's never seen her before.

* * *

Jaime goes away inside, as he stands on what is essentially a trial. It's impromptu, and of course Tyrion is interrogated, too, but Tyrion's all clever words and obvious disdain for the Lannister name. Tyrion _also _can boast that he killed their father, too, which Jaime prefers not to think about.

It's easier not to listen to them list the crimes he and his brother have apparently committed. It's easier just to think about Brienne, cutting his food for him gently, killing those men for him back in the forest, trusting in him to do the right thing, _smiling _at him, making him feel almost like some silly little girl from a song.

He tunes back into reality when they ask him why he's _here _, why he's come all this way just to be surrounded by people who loathe him. Jaime _knows _the answer. It's about honor, of course it is, but he only _remembers _there is honor inside of him because of Brienne. He only _wants _to be that honorable man again because of Brienne.

Jaime opens his mouth, unsure of what to say, but then Brienne speaks instead.

"Your Grace," she says, and he wants to throw himself in front of her, to protect her, to keep her out of the Dragon Queen's line of sight and away from the Dragon Queen's ire. Jaime's resigned himself to the fact that this was his last good deed, and that no good deed goes unpunished. He doesn't expect to last the day as a free man; it's just a waiting game now, to see if he'll be a prisoner again, used as a bargaining chip with his sister, or if he'll be killed.

Except he listens to Brienne's imploring words. She tells the tale of how Catelyn tasked her with trading Jaime for her daughters, and then of all the things that happened along the way. How he lost his hand protecting her; how he came back and leapt in front of a bear for her. It feels like listening to her talk about a stranger; he hadn't even _realized _then, how insane it sounded to do those things for a woman he didn't even like.

He _had _liked her, though, hadn't he? He'd respected her morals, he'd envied the faith she still had in the world. Jaime had seen himself in her, his past self; the one he'd actually _liked _. In Brienne, he'd also seen a chance to be that man once again.

Now, there was no doubt about it. Then, he might not have been sure, but now he _knows _just how deeply he cares for this strong, stubborn woman; he's literally gone to the ends of the Earth with her, and for her, all to stay near her.

Is this what it feels like to love someone that _isn't _his sister? Jaime thinks it might be, but he doubts it'll matter for long. The Dragon Queen seems unmoved by her tale, and Brienne holds back the one thing that might have saved him. His reasons for killing Aerys are Jaime's to decide where to share or not, and he thinks he loves her just a little bit more for leaving the choice of whether or not to tell Daenerys to him.

He doesn't tell her.

In the end, it doesn't matter anyway. Catelyn says that if Brienne trusts Jaime, then so does she; Robb nods his head reluctantly, and Daenerys isn't _pleased _, but she doesn't disagree.

Jaime stares, shell-shocked for a moment. "Don't make them regret it," Tyrion mutters to him as a warning, and Jaime nods numbly.

Then, he turns to embrace Brienne as thanks, but she's already gone.

* * *

Jaime knows better than to go chasing after Brienne when she doesn't want to be found. He'll just have to show her how appreciative he is later.

Because he _is _appreciative. This is a chance to start over, to be a better man, to help found a better world. He doesn't think too hard on the details yet; they might have to kill Cersei, or worse, _Tommen _, before all is said and done.

Hells, Daenerys and Robb might change their minds and find a reason to execute him later. He might be a man living on borrowed time.

But he has never been so _glad _to have that borrowed time. To devote himself to the brother who was always more deserving of his love than Cersei was. To believe in the goodness of people again.

To see more of Brienne's smiles.

"Why _are _you here, brother? You never did answer our new queen's question," Tyrion says later, when they are alone, and he's wearing that knowing, shit-eating grin of his.

"I think you know," Jaime replies, a bit defensively. Tyrion and even _Sansa _have been making hinting comments since somewhere in the middle of the Narrow Sea. Jaime doesn't care to deny it, though. Not now, after he's seen her stand and defend him in front of the most hostile of rooms.

Tyrion takes Jaime's reply as confirmation, and it only makes his grin _wider _.

"I think I do," he agrees, taking his brother's good hand for a moment in his. "Just make sure that _she _knows at some point, will you?" he laughs, and Jaime just groans in response.

_Realizing _he was in love with Brienne was one thing. Getting _Brienne _to realize he's in love with Brienne? That seems like a whole different kind of beast.

Good thing Jaime's never been intimidated by frightening creatures. And it's an even better thing, the fact that they'll be here together for the foreseeable future. It won't be easy, but he _loves _her. Somehow, he'll find a way.


End file.
